Episode 34:

November 29th, 2025. I'm single again, surprise!

In relationships you either succeed or fail together. So I guess we've failed.

Around 12:30PM I received the news and I met it with shock. I didn't know how to react.  All I was met with was a burning weight deep in my chest and the back of my head while Alice was crying and apologizing profusely of the outcome.  We would have continued the conversation but I thought it was something we needed to walk away from and return to at 2PM. We did and it was still met with the same result. I dumbfounded and Alice weeping on the other end.

Following I looked for ways to distract myself but nothing worked.  I felt dead inside and I was too distracted by my own turmoil.  I found some solace talking to a friend over the phone trying to analyze the situation. 

What could I have done differently?
Why didn't I cry?
-I knew it was there but the question was when? I was a ticking time bomb.
Is this better for the both of us?
-Did we rush into this relationship?
My faults in the relationship.
My stubbornness.

My mind even headed down other roads:
Is there someone else?
Was this relationship doomed from the start?

I started looking for people to blame when in reality it's probably just a relationship that just didn't work out.

Later that night it was a friends birthday dinner and I decided I wasn't going to sulk, sulk alone that is. I wanted to be with my people but I didn't want to talk about it. So I kept silent.

1. It was a birthday dinner.
2. I wasn't ready to talk period. And I don't know if I ever will be thus this blog.

During the dinner I found myself starring off into the distance not knowing what I was thinking.  I just found comfort looking out into the void. Was I thinking about Alice? Yes, some thoughts having clear direction but most not.  In the middle of one of my gazes I was met with the question, "So when are you headed to Boston, Don?" I answered almost unable to get this full statement out while my face began to squish, "I'm not, Alice and I broke up... sorry excuse me." I then rushed to the bathroom on the verge of breaking down.  It was the first time that day I was almost driven to tears and if I started there I knew I wouldn't be able to stop.  I gathered myself and returned stating quickly punctually, "We broke up, I don't want to talk about it right now." Without a word everyone agreed and took tangents to other conversations. 

I continued to find myself starring off into the distance more and more losing chunks of conversation trying to stay engaged but mostly with no avail. 

Once I got home I received messages from all my friends from dinner with words of encouragement.

I "slept" and now I'm here.  Listening to Christmas Lo-Fi and writing this blog.

November 30th, 2025. 9:24AM I shed my first tears.